Wouldn’t you want to listen to a child who is sad? Wouldn’t you want to soothe and comfort a child who has been hurt?
Well, you are that child, just because you are an adult doesn’t mean the child in you has left, she is still very much alive and needs you!
There is a hidden message and lesson in everything you experience, are you ready to start listening? Stop the abandonment and neglectful cycle and start caring for your inner child like you would any other child and you will see your life start to change.
The key to communicating with your sad inner child is to come to a place of understanding why that part felt like that and to show her/him love and compassion (this can take a lot of time and patience just like with any child/parent relationship!).
Three ways to connect with and listen to your sad inner child….
- Start writing in a journal
Allow yourself to write freely, don’t worry about spelling or grammar, use different coloured pencils or pens for your adult self and child self, just write and see what emerges. Ask yourself – What am I sad about? What is this deep sadness about? If my sadness had a voice what would it say? What do I need to look at, remember, acknowledge? To depress means to push down, what did I have to push down? What couldn’t I express freely? Then ask what she/he needs? What would make her/him happy? Listen and write down the answers, they will come. Notice any resistance you may feel to connecting with this part and write your thoughts, feelings and experiences down, what is this resistance about? Be curious, patient and take your time. Rekindling any relationship takes time.
- Be the good enough parent
Give your inner child permission to feel whatever he or she is feeling, soothing and providing love and support to them, if you need a sofa day and a good cry watching a rom com, do it! If you feel angry punch a pillow or punch bag if you have one! Dance or sing (or both!) to music that helps express your sadness or anger. This is about releasing emotions freely and safely. Emotions are welcomed and normal. Read positive affirmations and talk kindly to yourself like you would to any child needing your empathy, support and reassurance.
- Have fun
Ask yourself what did I enjoy doing as a child that I could still do today? Ride a bike, skip, spend time in the woods or forest, walk in a stream, paint, draw, crafts, build, climb, play games, sing, listen to music, dance, ice-skating, read or write stories, learn to juggle, it could be anything! Look at what children do, we can learn a lot from them, look how happy and carefree they are!
Use your imagination, visualise, be curious and explore!
People generally have the perception that being depressed, feeling low and sad is a bad thing, right? However, what if the depression is trying to tell you something? And what if the way out of depression is to allow yourself to experience the sadness and move through it, not resist it or try and cover it up, to be open to what it has to tell you and teach you. I believe everything we experience is always for our greater good and most physical, psychological or emotional issues are just ways of telling us something is out of balance, and we need to look at it closer. Our physical and mental state is communicating to us all the time and when we take the time to look deeper into our issues and try to find where they stem from we can connect more to ourselves and our higher wisdom, helping us navigate through life’s ups and downs.
Maybe when you were upset as a child you were told to toughen up, don’t cry, be quiet, snap out of it, you’ve just got to get on with it? Or maybe you were rejected/abandoned, ignored, punished or humiliated when you showed any emotion at all? And the message you got was the only emotion that is ok to show is being ‘happy’……keeping up the façade that you were happy in a happy family when the truth of that was quite different.
When this has been our experience as a child, as adults it manifests as being completely disconnected from our emotions, where we constantly try to be happy (by buying new things, accumulating more and more, looking for the next fix, realising we are never satisfied) when deep down there is a child part of us that is actually very sad. Until we are open enough to listen to this younger part and not ignore, reject, suppress or get annoyed with it, it will persevere like a shadow always in the background, hoping and waiting for you to finally acknowledge them and to be different to all the people she/he has known from the past.
Inner child work is so rewarding; however, it can be difficult and challenging when emotions and memories surface which may take you by surprise, therefore, I would strongly recommend you have someone safe and supportive you can speak to either a friend, family member or therapist to give you space to process these discoveries. Remember your inner child needs support not only from you but from other people who care.
I hope you enjoyed reading my blog and took something from it to help you on your Journey…until next time…Take good care of you!